“I haven’t felt that good since an own goal put us 1-0 up against Albania on a Monday night in front of 17,000 fans in the UEFA Nations League”.
Who among us could forget that classic line from the 2036 hit T4: Trainspotting? I’ll admit, it doesn’t quite capture the imagination like Renton’s famous eulogy to Archie Gemmill in the original.
It’s one of those iconic goals that’s embedded in every Scotland fan’s brain, along with James McFadden against France, Leigh Griffiths against England and Mario Mandzukic against England.
Those moments of ecstasy are few and far between for Scotland fans, though and just 15 months on from the high of that Griffiths goal the feeling of many towards our national team is apathy.
Against Belgium Alex McLeish’s men were lucky to hear the final whistle before a complete doing turned into a total horsing. As if to rub salt into the wounds, Tartan Army members then remembered they had to come back on a rainy Monday night to watch Albania.
Inside a stadium with a capacity of 52,000, barely 17,000 fans turned up. To put that figure in context, it’s only 2,000 more than the amount of people following Glasgow bar Nice n Sleazy on Twitter, and you can’t even buy a Buckfast cocktail in Hampden.
McLeish’s lineup had some fans scratching their heads. It appeared to many that he’d somehow gotten his dates wrong and ended up resting his top players in Monday’s competitive fixture after fielding his strongest XI in the previous week’s meaningless friendly.
Allan McGregor’s starting role came as a surprise, partly because Craig Gordon was preferred for the Belgium match and partly because McGregor was issued with a lifetime ban in 2009.
“Actually”, explained an SFA spokesman, “it said ‘lifetime ban unless he signs for Rangers again’”.
In the end Scotland secured the points in comfortable fashion, even allowing for the fact that the breakthrough came courtesy of an offside own goal.
I say own goal but an SFA judicial panel insisted that the ball hit the Scotland player last and so the goal should in fact be awarded to McGregor.
A win’s a win but the empty seats and underwhelming opposition contributed to an atmosphere about as rousing as Theresa May attempting to deliver a PowerPoint presentation on Ibuprofen ingredients and about as inspiring as Theresa May attempting to lead a Government.
I was one of many who expressed confusion upon seeing McLeish’s starting XI but his choices were vindicated.
Any follower of the Scottish national team who’s lived long enough to see us require a 97th-minute winner to see off Liechtenstein will tell you a 2-0 win over anyone is not be sniffed at.
Furthermore, points accrued in the Nations League will help the team on their way to almost, but not quite, qualifying for Euro 2020.
It was an impressive performance and a good result, but was it enough to restore enthusiasm for our national team?
I gave Twitter three choices. Of the 7,000 respondents, 52 per cent said ‘Can’t be a****”, 14 per cent said “Feeling positive” and 34 per cent went for “Bit of both”.
Amid plenty of anti-SFA sentiment (and not just from @OfficialSteveClarke),
@DannyMill95 summed up theScotland experience perfectly; “I want to not care, then they start to win just to get me hooked right as it all goes to s*** again”.
The views of many Scottish football fans were perfectly encapsulated by @garydunion, who explained “I’m kind of all about the women’s team right now”.
More telling, though, was the fact that 92 per cent said they preferred club football to international football.
“I support Dundee United. I demand a neither option” responded @SartoMutiny, while @awrc93 suggested that “Whoever voted international football shares bath water with their maw”.
They will at least have the satisfaction of knowing games will continue to be played at a half-empty Hampden, after the SFA accepted a submission that read ‘REASONS FOR STAYING AT HAMPDEN – 1: Not Murrayfield. Thank you’. In an attempt to placate the Edinburgh contingent, SFA chiefs assured them that the view of Hampden games from Murrayfield is on a par with the view of Hampden games from Hampden.
Thankfully the proper football’s back.
They say you don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone, and one brief international break is all you need to start yearning for the rash tackles, controversial judicial panels, ill-advised tweeting, incompetent refereeing and defensive calamities that make up our beautiful game. Welcome back club football.
Actually, I might have been a bit hasty. 20 years from now Scottish football fans WILL be talking about our win over Albania in the same breath as Gemmill, McFadden and Griffiths’ goals.
I am of course talking about Scotland’s women beating Albania to qualify for the World Cup.
