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Iraq Offers to Help Establish Democracy in North Carolina Printer friendly page Print This
By Andy Borowitz | The New Yorker
The New Yorker
Wednesday, Dec 5, 2018

NOT THE NEWS


Iraq Offers to Help Establish Democracy in North Carolina

Photograph by Logan Cyrus / AFP / Getty

The government of Iraq announced on Tuesday that it would seek to build an international coalition to establish democracy in the state of North Carolina.

Speaking to reporters in Baghdad, the Iraqi President, Barham Salih, said that Iraq had reached out to regional powers including Canada and Mexico to launch a military invasion of North Carolina’s Ninth Congressional District to “protect the North Carolinians’ right to self-determination.”

While many in the international community commended Salih’s desire to bring democracy to North Carolina, some critics warned that the effort could wind up destabilizing other American states.

“If North Carolina gets democracy, it’s only a matter of time before the people of Wisconsin, Georgia, and other failed states demand it as well,” Muqtada al-Sadr, the Iraqi politician and cleric, said. “Iraq could find itself in a quagmire with no exit strategy.”

Brushing aside such concerns, President Salih said that his international coalition could send troops to N.C.-9 as early as next week.

“We will be greeted as liberators,” he predicted.


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